Chup: Breaking the Silence About India’s Women by Narayan & Deepa

Author:Narayan & Deepa [Narayan & Deepa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-05-27T18:30:00+00:00

6. Isolation: I Am Alone and Afraid, Keep Women Apart, Akeli Hoon, Darti Hoon

The life-negating isolation for Naaz, 49, started immediately after she eloped to marry the man she loved. She was 21.

‘ The very next day after my marriage, he made me write a resignation letter to the bank although I kept on pleading with him. He said, “My wife will not work in a bank.” He was not one who would allow any dialogue or negotiation or anything, so lamely I wrote it and we went to the bank. This was a coveted job like getting into the IAS . . . I was so completely gone in that man’s control.

‘ He completely controlled my every breath and heartbeat, you know, I am not exaggerating when I say this – he controlled everything about me. He made me cut off my relations with all of my family and friends. No visitors were allowed. He never gave me money, not even to buy vegetables to put food on the bloody table. He would ask me “paise hai ? You have money? ” I would say haan, hain , yes. Because I had lived in a home where I did not even ask for money from my parents, how can I ask it from a strange man? So, oh God, I did all kinds of things. I remember, when I was pregnant with Chetan, I used to walk around the whole city pretending to be fond of it, I had no money for an auto. When either of my grandmothers secretly came to visit and they wanted to give me a gift, I would say, “ Give me money. ” I had so many pent-up feelings of anger, my whole body would shake, become stiff. It looked scary.’

She became an actor and played the ‘perfect wife’ and nobody guessed that she was being beaten or that she cried endlessly, alone. She ‘adjusted’ to her situation.

‘I justified all his behaviour, even his beating. After awhile you become tolerant, not questioning, accepting everything. After all, whatisthereality of a middle-class woman? There is little scope for original thinking or action. It’s all been decided. If your husband is a good, loving person, then it’s a bonus for you.’

She has fleeting glimpses of herself as a member of a social class. But all alone, she concludes it is her personal dysfunction. ‘Alone I was always depressed, I was not . . . not looking forward to anything, sort of like jee rahe hain , just existing. If it is morning, I’ll get up, make tea, eat food. Passively existing. Whatever happens to me, I’ll take it. I would get crying fits, crying uncontrollably.’

A depressed woman is no threat. Millions of depressed, helpless, malfunctioning, even screaming and isolated women are no threat.

* * *

A particularly cruel cultural practice to perpetuate the non-existence of women is the isolation of women from others, including other women. It is easier to control women physically and mentally when they are alone rather than when they are with other women who support them.

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